Bring Back the Fire, Bring Me Home
by LullabyForDead
Summary: Feelings, so many feelings. A story that comes from Dean's perspective on recent events, losing himself, losing his family, Roman and Seth. Some chapters also from theirs, but mostly from Dean's.
1. Chapter 1

He was alone in the dark, cold room. His body broken down and tired. Regret in his heart. Memories that he longs to forget.

Together. They used to be together. His home, his family. The two most important people in his life. He thought he would always feel safe with them. Content. Now, he's just lost and doesn't know his place anymore.

He believed in a dream, but he realizes he was only chasing after fairytales. Always stand together. Fighting for justice.

He stands among shattered pieces. Shards cutting into his heart. Its so lonely here without the love he used to depend on. The ones he cared so much about. Its so cold without that fire burning deep within him. The only thing that keeps him going is believing he is doing the right thing.

He didn't reveal his true emotions, wanting to bury them, hide them. He promised he would try to keep honoring his best friend though, the one he had grown closer to. He would to try pick things up from where they left. His other half, oh he loved him so deeply. He was so scared for him and a part of him was angry. How could he just leave him to pick up the pieces? He couldn't do it without him.

And the other half of his soul. The one he was still learning to trust. He had tried to seek answers from him before but was turned away. Was always left behind. Once he had started to fight back, things got worse. The trauma of these fights never forgotten. Then he came back. Apologizing for leaving them, for betraying them.

' _You forgot about all that you did to me. What about that? Does the hurt you put through not matter?'_

All those terrible sins he had committed. So much he needed to answer for. And he still made their union about glory. About winning some gold. What happened to doing the right thing? He couldn't let him get away with this. He would only taint their third half's memory if he let him win.

' _Keep on fighting, keep on fighting…'_

No forgiveness. An unforetold future. No home to return to.

He knows they are together. That's how it should be. He would only get in the way of things, make it more complicated. They're better off without him. He's glad they at least have each other, even though he's alone.

His heart will remain cold for the rest of his life, not exposing it for more hurt. Too many promises broken. He had grown tired. Tired of the constant noise, all the uncertainty. His mind going crazier than what it already was. Tired of caring so much, being an afterthought. It hurts him to do so, but he needed to find a way to protect himself.

' _I'll be alright on my own. Don't need no one anymore.'_

He'll not answer anymore questions. What can he say? There's nothing he can do to make it right again. Might as well just turn away.

' _You both meant so much. I love you. Gave you my all.'_

That part of him is dead. Nothing left but an empty shell of his former self.

' _Throw it all away…before they throw you away.'_


	2. Chapter 2

"Hush, baby." He heard him whisper to him. He was being held in his arms, his voice saying comforting things to him. He had just woken up from an unpleasant dream.

The other who was asleep next to him, noticed his discomfort. Could hear him whining and whimpering in his sleep.

"Go back to sleep, baby." He said this, stroking the auburn curls.

"But what if I have that dream again?" He clung onto his form even tighter, afraid to let go.

"I'm right here. Nothing is going to hurt you."

"But will you still be here?"

"I always will be."

They laid in the bed, wrapped around each other. There was a small light in the room, so it wasn't completely dark. He could just see his face, smiling down at him.

"Sleep, baby. I'll still be here while you dream."

 _'You promised me I wouldn't lose you. You promised me you would still be there. If only I had known better.'_


	3. Chapter 3

_'I'm losing myself, I want to to get away. Run away from here.'_

Nights like these have gotten cold. Nights like these used to put a smile upon my face, now they just make me cry.

 _'Take me away from here!'_

Smoke and fire surrounds me, trapping me. Its all an illusion, I'm living a lie. I don't know who I am anymore.

This is not how it should be. This was supposed to be my dream. I look in the mirror and I don't recognize myself. Can't find what it is that made me who I used to be.

You're calling.

Telling me to remember.

Saying my name.

Telling me to remember why I came here.

Beneath these torn clothes I wear, beneath this skin, is the scars that I have to bear. I need to escape. Need to heal the wounds that were inflicted upon me.

I'm on my knees, asking someone up there, why. Why did it come this? Where did I go wrong? Wasn't I enough?

You're the one that is gone. The one I can't find.

You're calling out my name.

Telling me what I'm giving up

Keep saying my name.

It helps me to remember your voice.

All that I had, is now lost. No more hope, no more dream to hold onto.

I'll be here one last night. Then gone the next day. Moving on to find my happiness again.

The words I want to tell you. How much you mean to me. I'm sorry, but I have to say goodbye. I'm sorry that I'm too scared to tell you.

Waited, holding on for far too long. I was waiting for a miracle.

Call out my name.

Whisper to me, please help me to remember.

Keep screaming my name.

So that I won't give up on my dream.

 _'I am sorry, but I have to go. I can't stay. I need to do what's best for me. I can't keep putting on this fake smile for the world. I must sacrifice what is important to me. Please forgive me.'_


	4. Chapter 4

You used to be my baby.

You used to be my world.

You gave your heart to me.

Please don't leave me here.

I would be lost without you.

I'm standing here.

Looking for any sign of you in the crowd.

Please, don't let me lose you.

My baby.

My beautiful baby.

You belong here.

Right here with me.

Right here with your family.

Don't let them put out that fire inside you.

Don't let hope disappear.

Tell me you'll still here tomorrow.

My beautiful baby.

The world may forget about you, but you are always on my mind.

Stay.

I need you here when I come back.

I don't want to come back to an empty home.


	5. Chapter 5

His eyes are tired and heavy. They no longer show life in them. Too many hopeless dreams he has lost.

He wants to keep smoking, keep on drinking until he can forget. His skin burning from the scars he cut into his skin.

He throws the bottle to the ground, the glass breaking against the wall. The last drops of poison spilled on the floor. He takes another hit, smoke burning his lungs. How low he has fallen.

He wants to break free of these chains that hold him down. Wants to find himself again. All he sees is a cracked reflection staring back at him.

He curls his body onto the couch, still cold even with the heat on. In the morning he will remember, and he will try to find another way to forget.


	6. Chapter 6

I let out a scream. I can't stand this. Can't stand who I have become. I try to hide what I feel underneath so much anger and hate. The shame, the guilt is still there.

You didn't deserve that. Didn't deserve what I have said and done. I was trying to tell myself I was right, but I was wrong. I have no excuse.

There's blood on my hands, I must pay for all that I have done. I can't keep holding your past against you. I can't keep pretending I don't care. I just want to be with you again.

My soul is heavy, spoiled with sin. I'm crying, drowning in my sorrow. And no one knows. All hope is lost. I always thought myself to be strong. Who knew I could fall so easily?

Being pulled under. My soul is cold. I have become ice cold. This water is ice cold. I see my old self reaching out for me, trying to bring me back home. I can't even bother to try to save myself. I rather let myself die.

Damn my soul to hell, let me burn in the flames instead.

Keep me, trapped underneath this ice. This is the grave I have dug for myself. I can't repair what is broken. I can't turn back now.


End file.
